Kindness of Strangers

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I came to Bali - and to Ubud, for that matter - for all the wrong reasons.

When most people think of Bali they conjure images of expansive beaches, boozy iced beverages, swaying palm trees, and South Pacific views. While this is most people’s idea of paradise, I didn’t have much interest in this part of Bali which, while beautiful and relaxing, gets a little boring after a few days.

I was really after the cultural aspects of life here, which are rich and vibrant. Hindu-Bali temples greet visitors around every corner - even the smallest towns seem to boast multiple temples, and most family “compounds” have a personal altar in which the family can worship. Imposing statues of religious icons grin ferociously at you through gnashing, stone teeth, their bottom halves swathed in black and white gingham, looking more like something out of the Scottish Highlands than the tropics. Every household and shop readies small offerings of rice, placed on delicate banana leaves, throughout the day, a seemingly never ending task.

Spirituality is everywhere. There are temple ceremonies constantly, and we happen to be in Ubud for one of the biggest ceremonies of the year. We caught a temple procession our first evening in town; parades of women in traditional clothing balanced towering pyramids of rich fruit on their head on their way to the temple. Their ankle-length sarongs swished below their lacy off-the-shoulder tops as long, colorful sashes perched askew on their waists. Lines of men, wearing the typical gingham sarongs and breezy white tops, the cotton headdress tied neatly around their skulls, balanced large red umbrellas and banged ceremonial drums. All of this in the midst of rush-hour traffic.

I had planned to spend my time in Ubud taking all of this in, to understand the ins and outs of temple ceremonies, to visit countless religious sites, but upon arriving here I felt my interest diverted to the numerous spas and healing centers that line Ubud’s narrow avenues. I found myself pouring over lists of spa menus, wondering where I should go, what I should do, and how much I could cram into 10 days. Where was this coming from, I asked myself?

This trip has caused me to spend a lot of time with myself, and I’m sad to say that I don’t often like what I see. The Indian astrologer hit the nail on the head when he said, “You feel empty inside. People think you are fulfilled, but you are empty.” He kept saying it over and over again, empty, and the word reverberated and hung in the air like a loud bell that wouldn’t stop ringing. I am empty, and I’m not quite sure how to fill the hole.

I have tried for years to improve myself and my life in any way I knew how - from career changes to geographical moves - and still I feel empty. I can’t even remember what makes me happy anymore, and I am far enough into this trip and out of my everyday routines to see that most of what I do is out of habit, not choice. But not quite sure what I should do differently now, I find myself beset by a certain sense of helplessness. What’s the point of being here? What’s the point of going home? How will my life be any different then?

Maikael and I sat down yesterday on the lovely veranda at Ubud Bungalows where breakfast is served each morning. A few wooden tables were scattered under a great portico, lending a view down the tumbling hillside. Birds chirped happily, and small vases of tropical flowers, which would cost a fortune at your local florist, lounged casually in simple glass jars atop each table. We were surrounded my mossy stone walls and lush tropical plants, and yet I found myself slumped at the table.

A woman approached, dreadlocks piled atop her head, some of which were streaked electric blue, shocking pink, glaring lime, and bright purple. She was barefoot and beaming, and immediately began talking with us. I felt an instant connection to her. We learned that, after having worked in corporate Australia for most of her adult life, she decided to leave it all behind when she had a spiritual awakening. It took her five years to leave her job, but she eventually became a Reiki master and has been traveling on a spiritual journey the past three years.

We spent the next two hours talking about all manner of things, spiritual and otherwise, and I had a sneaking suspicion that I needed to hear what she had to say, that I had met her for a reason. Her message boiled down to this: you can keep striving towards discovering your true self, or you can give up and go back to the way things were. I suddenly realized that I had all but given up on myself and my life, given up any promise or hope that things could be different. I asked her what she was doing in Ubud for two months, which essentially amounted to spiritual healing. She suggested a number of different spas and treatments which she felt were beneficial for quickly becoming unblocked, and I immediately felt a surge of energy and excitement race through me.

It was then that I realized why I had come to Ubud. It had nothing to do with temples and everything to do with beginning my own healing process. I know I won’t be able to accomplish everything in the week I have left here, but I feel that it’s going to set me on the right path to at least begin the journey. For years I’ve followed someone else’s successful path in the hopes that I would garner the same results for myself, and growing defeated when it didn’t. I’m ready to make my own roadmap and embark on my own journey.

For those of you who are reading this and rolling your eyes and wondering if I’ve gone completely mad, New Age, or Santa Fe, don’t worry - deep down, I’ll always the slightly neurotic Elizabeth you know and love.